Lessons from Prison

I went to prison again this weekend. Sweet, blessed time. I love my Kairos sisters - those inside and outside that prison. So many thoughts and images and "snapshots" of the weekend are swirling around in my head. Can't quite process them all yet. But here's a taste of what I experienced.

• 65 Kairos sisters who praised Jesus, sang together, prayed together, ate together, listened, and loved together. About 54 of them were "sisters in white" who live at Tutwiler and wear standard Dept. of Corrections white uniforms - some for a few years, and a few for a lifetime. The other 11 were our outside team - and we ourselves are pretty diverse bunch! We come from different denominations, different races, different experiences, just different. Yet - the same too. Only God can create that kind of unity.


• A conversation and prayer time with one of my sisters in white who will live out the rest of her lifetime in that place. And as we shared and prayed, I looked into her eyes and saw sadness and yet joy too. A joy greater than many I know. The sadness came when she talked about life here and now. The joy came when she talked about the life to come and about meeting Jesus face to face. And the joy came too when she talked about all the people she was determined would also come to know Jesus. Her whole face lit up. And I was hit with a sense of divine. And for a moment, I realized we were glimpsing eternity - when she and I and so many others would live and walk side-by-side forever. I don't know how to explain it. It wasn't an emotional moment, or a long moment. Just a brief sense of "yes. this is what it's about". But it was a Holy moment.


• Another conversation with a woman who has lost her kids. And she tearfully asked me "do you think my baby boy will remember me?". ouch. Because despite everything else. Depsite what they've done, what environment they lived in, everything else, the mothers are still mothers in their hearts. They may not be able to care for their kids now, and some of them may not have been able to care for their children even before they came to prison. But they did (and do!) love them. They never stop loving them.


• A quote I heard on a break "Our government has a choice to make. If they don't spend more money on schools now, they will just have to spend more money on prisons later". She should know - she's living there now.


• A discussion after one of our talks. One woman shared her struggle to live a Christian life in that place. She compared her heart to having a robe on and every time she messes up, it leaves a hole in it. So she prays, asks for forgiveness, tries harder, and patches the hole up. And no sooner does she get the hole patched up, then she trips and makes another mistake and gets another hole. She can't keep up. And our table group tells her almost at the same time - quit patching up that robe!! Just exchange it for a brand new one!! That's the promise of Jesus - a new heart!


• Sunday morning church. I go to a great church - with people I love, great music, great teaching, and great worship! I love my church! But when it comes to the places I've felt the most freedom and pure joy in worship - it comes in 2nd. (or maybe even 3rd - but that might be a story for another day). But first place goes to a very simple chapel in the midst of a place of hurt, shame, and darkness. That little chapel at Tutwiler with very little resources is proclaiming the good news and changing lives. And the worship there is pure, real, free, and joyful! It's awesome!!


• So much more - some of which are miracles and insights that aren't mine to tell. But now I'm home, and content, and challenged at the same time. Content to be home, happy to be with my family, and really tired. But also challenged to reach out for more ministry, more blessings, more joy, more boldness, more freedom, and more authentic living - to live out in my day-to-day life outside those prison walls the very things that seem to come so easily inside them.

A Visit to Ivy Green

We took a mini-vacation for spring break. We started it yesterday and ended it today. Short, but sweet. We drove to Florence yesterday and we got checked in our hotel mid-afternoon. It started raining as soon as we got there and rained all night. Didn't matter. We relaxed and did this:

Swimming in the indoor pool and hanging out at the hot tub

Manicures: (They're supposed to be showing off their nails - not sure what exactly Sadie is doing with that scowl!)

Dinner at a "fancy restaurant" with live music and a visit to the hotel's game room. (no pictures)

A complimentary "cheese and fruit tray" (thanks to friends!) while we watched "The Miracle Worker" movie.

This morning, the girls and I enjoyed room service breakfast, another quick trip to the pool and hot tub, and a little more relaxing. Then we headed out for Tuscumbia to visit Ivy Green, the birth place of Helen Keller. Hannah did a "famous American" project on her when she was in kindergarten and has been interested ever since. I've also loved the stories of her and her teacher Anne Sullivan ever since I was a child. So, Hannah and I were very excited to go. Sadie? The highlight for her was sticking her finger up the nose of a statue of Helen. Seriously - she thought that was hilarious. But anyway, it was a really neat tour. The ladies who ran it and gave the tour were very "child-friendly" in their approach - giving tidbits the kids would especially find interesting along with the parts geared towards adults. And it was short enough to hold Hannah's attention. (Not so much Sadie, but she tried!) Most of the furniture in the house is the original furniture. The floors are original, as well as Helen's clothing we saw and some 100 year old quilts made by her aunt. One interesting thing was the house was not near as big as I thought it would be. It's a nice size for a family, but nothing like the house pictured in the movie. At the end of the tour, we were invited to walk around the house and the grounds. There was also a small museum in one of the rooms that housed many of her braille book collections, gifts given to her by people all over the world, photographs, and one of her old braille writers.

The entrance to Ivy Green

The house where her family lived

Helen and Anne's bedroom. There's a larger bed you can't see.

Some of Helen's and her mother's dresses, hanging in her parents' room

The dining room. These dishes are the original dishes and are what's left of the set. Helen broke most of the dishes in her temper tantrums before she began to learn to communicate. She also not only locked her teacher in her room once (like in the movie), but also locked her mother in the pantry too.

The cottage where Anne took Helen to teach her

One of the girls' highlights - checking out the braille books

One of many garden areas around the house

THE pump - the pump where Helen first understood that words had meaning and could be used to communicate.
This is where she understood that w-a-t-e-r meant water, the wet stuff coming out. Where the light came through the darkness and she understood for the first time. Once she "got it", she really took off. By the end of that day, she had learned the words for 30 things. Amazing! It was my favorite part. For Hannah, it was close between the pump and the braille books. But she reenacted the entire scene at the water pump from the movie. And I'm sorry I don't have a picture of Sadie's favorite part. But I had already asked her to please get her finger out of Helen Keller's nose before I thought to grab my camera. :-)

After we left Ivy Green, we headed right down the road to Spring Park, a really pretty park with waterfalls, ducks, a nice playground, and some cool attractions that weren't open yet this season. But the walk around was nice and the girls enjoyed the ducks.

And then we headed home. I'm thinking we might need to do a few more of these mini-vacations. It was the perfect chance to relax, not spend too much, and not get everyone so tired from a big trip.

The Post Where God Meets Me in Piles of Clothes!

I just finished a great book called "One Thousand Gifts". (See www.onethousandgifts.com) The book is incredible, very poetic, and very moving. And I absolutely will not do it justice in this quick-typed post at midnight. So read it for yourself. I downloaded it on the kindle pretty inexpensive. But the author is challenged by a friend to name 1000 gifts from God. She begins keeping a journal and noting the gifts. A grattitude journal, so to speak. But as she does this it takes her deeper into the heart of God than she ever imagined as she learns to see God and see grace in all things. Not just in big things, but small things. Not just in good things, but in suffering and trials and hard things too. Take my word for it - read the book. She has an amazing way with words.

I've starting keeping my own journal of gifts. It's not near as poetic. But, today I added #123: "oodles and oodles of clothes! mounds of clothes! Clothes to fill closets and clothes to give away!" Seems that God has a lesson for me today in clothes. Clothes represent grace to me today. Clothes are grace today. God provides. God blesses. But to receive more blessings, the first blessings must flow through me. I can't keep my hands wrapped tight around them - for if my hands are wrapped tight around my blessings, my hands can not be open to receive more blessings.

What does this have to do with clothes? Glad you asked. :-) Everyone knows that if you have kids, there are just some things you have to do. You have to feed them. You have to clothe them. It just comes with the job description. After almost 5 years with Hannah and almost 3 years with Sadie - I can tell you that I don't have to buy my kids clothes. Hardly ever. (Now grandma buys clothes from time to time. Just because she likes to!) That doesn't mean I don't occassionally buy them something new just because I like it or because they like it. But that's pretty rare. But never fear, they do not feel deprived at all. And they are not. They are blessed. We are blessed. Before I adopted Hannah, I had a few families I know bring me bags and bags of clothes for her. Plus, there were some shower gifts of clothing. Hannah had FULL drawers and a closet before I ever traveled to China. When she outgrew a few things, I passed them on to a friend. But then, I was in another adoption process with Sadie. And so I wondered, maybe I shouldn't pass on so many clothes. What if I need them later for Sadie? So I started keeping them. But when I got Sadie, she was significantly smaller than Hannah had been. I thought I might have to actually buy her some clothes. But instead, we had *more* friends donate clothes in the size we needed. And I kept the clothes Hannah outgrew, and was outgrowing. Because, one day Sadie would be big enough to wear them! Actually, now at 5.5 years old, Sadie is wearing some of the clothes Hannah wore at 3. Finally!
But, long story short, we continually have people bring us clothes. Not continually as in "all the time". But at least 1-2 times a year someone will stop me at church, or at work, and say "hey, I have bag of clothes in the car for you". About twice a year, I go through all the kids clothes. Anything too small for Sadie gets donated to a friend with a smaller child. Anything that fits her - she gets to keep. Anything that's in between Sadie and Hannah's size - I put in a box in Sadie's closet for "later". Anything that fits Hannah - she gets to keep. Anything too big for Hannah - I put in a box in her closet for "later". Well, before I knew it - we were being overrun by clothes! What a great problem to have. But, um, I literally couldn't stuff any more clothes in the drawers. And the boxes in the closet for "later" were stuffed. And I had two HUGE drawers in my room that were stuffed with girls' clothes. And MY closet was slowly being taken over by the dresses that didn't fit the girls now but would later! And the more clothes you have, the more laundry you have. Even if they only wear the same 5 shirts over and over! Because some how other clothes end up in the dirty clothes or stuffed in corner somewhere until you find them and then they are dirty. So as I was going through clothes this time (because we're having an early spring it seems! We needed spring clothes out! yippee!), I was finally like "SAVE ME FROM ALL THESE CLOTHES!! THEY ARE TAKING OVER MY HOUSE!". Hmm. What was meant to be a blessing, and what started out as a blessing, starts to become a burden. It hit me that perhaps I was beeing a bit greedy. I didn't think so at the time. I wasn't buying lots of clothes. In fact, I rationalized, I was saving so much money by not buying clothes that I could then use that money for other things - good things even like how about the fact that we sponsor two children through Compassion International. What could have been our "clothing budget" instead goes to our sponsor children. True. But really, does Hannah need 35 short-sleeve t-shirts? Or how about Sadie's 30 short sleeve t-shirts in each size from now through middle school? I'm exagerating..but only slightly I'm embarrased to say! But really, if God is providing for us now, won't he still be providing in 5 years too? Even if we don't keep it all for now? How about especially if we don't keep it all for now! I mean, if Sadie reaches the age of 10 and all of a sudden there's no box of clothes waiting for her, she'll still have clothes! I can buy clothes. A teacher salary might not be extravagant, but it really is enough to meet basic needs. I just think it's really cool that I haven't *had* to purchase many clothes for the girls. But if I had to, I could. And if I couldn't, wouldn't God provide in some way? So, I decided to stop the insanity of the clothing monstor in our house. We have filled up multiple garbage bags of clothes. Some clothes are going to friends. Others are going to the thrift store. Only a small percentage of the clothing we are donating is things Sadie has outgrown. There's a lot that still fits her that's going. And some that still fits Hannah. And some that's in between their sizes. And some that's too big for Hannah. They no longer have 35 t-shirts! Or too-many dresses, or 15 pairs of leggings. But they have enough. Really, more than enough. We still have the boxes of clothes for them to grow-into. But only a size bigger than what they are now. But they are not overflowing. And their clothes are not taking over the house. And hopefully, those mutiple bags of clothes will bless someone else. And yeah, I'm not just donating *their* clothes. I've started going through mine too. That's not a finished project yet.

If you happen to be one of our sweet friends who donates clothing to us - THANK YOU! Thank you for blessing our family with your gifts! We DO appreciate and love the gifts! And feel free to continue as your children outgrow things. :-) But we will be more selective of what to keep. We won't have 5 years of clothes to grow into waiting. We will pass on to others the blessings. Now that the clothes are bagged up waiting to be delivered, we'll actually have room to receive.

And that's really what this post is about. Not clothes. It's about making room to receive God's grace. It's always there. Always being given to us. But when our hands are closed so tightly around the blessings and we don't want to share, we don't have room to receive more. Love given is multiplied. When we let go, our hands are open to receive the grace God wants to give next. Not 1000 gifts. But unending gifts. Receive. Be blessed. Give. Bless someone else. What a cycle! So today, I thank God for grace through little girls' clothes.

"A Little Child Shall Lead Them"

My kids are both amazing. In so many ways - in sometimes very different ways. Sure, they're also sometimes argumentative, sassy, whiney, etc. But that's not the "real" person. The real, true person in each of them is quite amazing. And resilient. And courageous.

Hannah is 7. She's outgoing, creative, and very social. She also has a beautiful voice and loves to sing. The 2nd grade at her school did a performance recently and she was thrilled to be singing on-stage with her peers. She even had a small speaking part where she read off some facts about the Star-Spangled Banner. She did great, made no mistakes, and I was proud of her. I was especially proud remembering the difficult time she's had with her speech over the years. She's come so far!!


But I was even more proud of her the following Sunday in church. Our church has some pretty great music and Hannah loves to sing and praise. But she also has a perfectionist living inside of her that doesn't want to make a mistake. In anything. Oh - we've had some good discussions in the past few years about how everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, etc. etc. But I haven't really seen the fruit of those discussions - if she "messes up" and knows it - she's pretty upset about it usually. So anyway, the praise band was singing a song that wasn't quite as familar to our congregation as some. The words were on the screen and the band was doing a great job. But the response of the congregation was not quite as enthusiastic as normal. (They liked the song - they just weren't singing along with gusto since they didn't know it as well). Except for Hannah. She was singing out and enjoying herself. Until there was a pause in the words and Hannah started back before everyone else with a really loud "OHH..." (That was the next word, she just beat everyone else by a second or two). We've all seen it happen before, and for some of us, we've been the one to do it. People giggled, because it was cute. And it was cute. Except that Hannah didn't think so. She laughed at first, but then when she realized *other* people were laughing, she got embarrassed. She turned her head towards me and hid it from everyone else. And she was wiping tears away. I whispered to her that it was okay, no big deal and that other people had done the same thing. I told her I had done the same thing before. She looked at me and said "but I don't want to mess up - I'm embarrased". I quickly reminded her that everyone messes up sometimes, said it's okay to be embarrased, but then move on. Don't spend the rest of the service worried about it. The next song started and it was another not-quite so familiar song. Hannah sat quietly, not singing. I didn't really blame her. Because if it was me, I'd have done the same thing! I don't like to be embarrased either. And while I do normally participate in the music, if I don't know the song, I'm much more cautious. I guess it made me a little sad that she was learning to be cautious, but I understood it.

And then...she took a deep breath and began singing sweetly and loud enough that her voice could be heard at least around where we were sitting. I looked at her and saw that she was enjoying herself again. No fear. Just praise and songs and smiles. The sermon Sunday was great. But the "sermon" that meant the most to me was watching my sweet daughter. That's what I want to be like! To mess up, to cry about it if you must, and then to move on with trust and not fear! Not in music, but in life.

Update that ends with H's playdate at the hospital

November - well, how I am supposed to remember what happened in November? It's almost January. I know there was Thanksgiving, and good food, and visit to my parents house, and much to be thankful for. And there were flu vaccines all around. Of which I am SO thankful for because seriously everyone I know has a kid with the flu about now. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, Hannah volunteered to sing a song for the residents of a local retirement home. My church does a worship service there every month for the residents. Hannah practiced (and perfected!) "Thy Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet" and sang it beautifully one Sunday morning. She was a bit nervous, but had a blast and did a great job. She sure put a smile on everyone's face. She has a beautiful voice and loves to sing. Sadie loves to sing too. But her ability to carry is a tune, is, well..still developing. So is mine. :-) Actually Sadie has a great ability to change songs in the middle. What might start out as Jingle bells could easily become Silent Night or Old Macdonald or the ABC's or something else she made up. She doesn't sing *songs*, she sings *medleys*. But Sadie put a smile on everyone's face too because she walked around saying hi with her beautiful smile and giving out hugs. We also spent an afternoon at a nearby farm having pictures done. It was fun and they turned out so great. I'll try to get a few up on here soon.

So November consisted of Thanksgiving, flu shots, Hannah singing, and pictures. And 26 other days that were busy but I don't remember with what.

And then December. Christmas parades, visits with Santa, and parties galore! School parties, Brownie parties, dance parties, going to see the Nutcracker, elf mischief, church events.

Like most people, it was busy. And yet, there was a calmness this year too. Most of the busyness ended a week before Christmas. When school got out, we spent a couple days at my parents house celebrating Christmas with them.

Then we came home and spent the rest of the week relaxing, playing outside, making home-made playdoh, reading stories of Christmas, driving around to see lights, and just enjoying the time we had not to hurry. On Christmas eve, we spent a good part of the day outside while the girls rode their bikes.

We saw Santa as he came through the neighborhood on the fire truck as he does every year. We enjoyed the Christmas eve service at church. We came home, ate supper, enjoyed Charlie Brown's Christmas with popcorn and hot chocolate, and made sure to put out reindeer food before bed.

And food for Santa. Only Santa didn't get cookies at our house. He got a piece of bread and a spoonful of cranberry sauce (since we didn't have grape juice). And Hannah left a note "We left you kind of communion so you can remember Jesus is more important". See, Santa had made a suprise visit at church that evening and had taken communion. It made for a good conversation on the way home about how even Santa knows he's not the most important. Even Santa takes time to stop and remember Jesus. So Hannah decided to serve him communion at our house too! Very sweet, even if I was kind of hoping for chocolate.

I shopped online almost exclusively this year. So there was no running around searching for gifts. And pretty much most of the gifts our family gave were homemade gifts. Santa's gifts were not, but most of the others were. And it was great. The girls had a great time making gifts, such as scarves for cousins. They enjoyed painting old soft drink bottles that we turned into bowling sets for a couple of younger cousins.

I found printouts online for a "Journal in Jar" gift that I loved. So that's what most adult family members got. Except a couple of the men - since I didn't think they'd be as into journaling. But they're basically old mason jars with writing prompts inside. Presented with a notebook and pen. I loved the questions too - questions about family, childhood, favorites, opinions, and memories. They also had a child-version. So one of the girls' 9 year old cousins got that. And the girls both got one too. Sadie likes it because it's like Hannah's. Hannah LOVES it. She's been using the prompts every day. She had seen me making them for others and she was so very excited to have her very own.
As far as Santa goes, the girls were pretty thrilled on Christmas morning with their pillow pets. That's the one thing they asked for. And Sadie..thrilled beyond belief with her new camera and dancing Mickey Mouse. We have had a lot of pictures being taken lately. And Hannah got a karaoke machine. Which she LOVED until the microphone just died that evening. She was a bit dissapointed, but was okay when I told her we'd get a new microphone. She amused herself with her new Magic Science kit.


And it snowed! We didn't have a white Christmas like so many of our neighbor cities. But we did see snow falling on Christmas day. Beautiful. And the day after Christmas, we got enough of a dusting for a few snowballs. And an attempted snow angel!

We spent some time the day after Christmas at our friends' Beth and Wayne's (a.k.a. nana and granddaddy) house. The girls had a ball with more gifts, snowball throwing with cousins, lunch, and play-time. Then Hannah and I headed for her appointment at the Children's Hospital after-hours clinic. For an ear infection. And yes, I did let my 7 year old that I suspected had an ear infection out in the snow to play. It only snows an average of once a year here - I wasn't about to make her miss it. (But don't worry mom, I made her wear a hat!) And yes, she did have an ear infection. We found that out after waiting 4 hours. But we were lucky because as we were leaving, they changed the sign to read "6 hour wait with appointment". Yikes. But at least all she had was an ear infection. One that wasn't even particularly painful. So many of the other kids had the flu. Or suspected flu. You kind of get to know people when you sit in the waiting room so long. And while I was thinking "lots of sick people..let's just sit over here by ourselves and read or play video games quietly", Hannah saw the situation a little differently. Her view was "Awesome..so many kids. I'm going to make new friends!" So she had a 3 hour play-date (the 4th hour we were in a room by ourselves) with kids who probably had the flu. great. Again, so thankful for that flu vaccine. Oh, and by the end, she'd become such great friends with one little girl that the other mom wrote her phone number and address down for me and invited us to come over to play anytime. But finally, armed with a prescription for antibiotics, we went home. And I bathed Hannah in the hand sanitizer in my car before we pulled out of the parking lot. Just kidding - sort of. As much as I hated to spend 4 hours in the after-hours clinic on a Sunday for an ear infection that didn't even seem to really bother Hannah (rather than waiting until the next morning to see her regular pediatrician), I needed her seen that day because the next day was...surgery day. (coming soon!)

October Wrap-Up

Our first big event in October was Sadie's birthday. I can't believe my sweet little one is 5!! Wow!! She had a great birthday party at the park with her friends. It was a "baby doll" birthday party. Then on her actual birthday, she enjoyed dinner at a local restaurant. Fun times!!

Of course, my weekend with prison was a big October event..but I've already written about that (scroll to next post).

Hannah wrapped up her cheerleading season. Her coach was so sweet to let Sadie join in on the cheers for the last game. It's been fun and Hannah was so sad to see it end.

On Halloween, we had two separate events. First was "Children's Day" at our church where children dressed in costumes, sang, led worship, and had fun activities afterwards such as inflatables, hayride, etc. They'd been learning about "super heroes" and so dressed as such. Here's Sadie in her "super bunny!" costume and Hannah in her "Lady Truth" costume.

That night, we joined some friends in another neighborhood to trick or treat. Both girls decided to be the Easter bunny. :-) The girls had a blast and it was definately more fun going as a group. One of their friends' fathers had this cool contraption that he drove the kids around on which they thought was the best thing ever. We ended the evening with chili at a friends' house and went home and crashed. Definately one of our most fun halloween nights.

Prison Update

This past weekend was our Kairos retreat in the prison. To those who made cookies for us or prayed for us - THANK YOU! It was an incredible weekend. The Holy Spirit was present with us in a big way.
It was so so good to be back in that little chapel. It may sound crazy, but being in prison, I just feel so "right" and at peace. (of course, that's being there as a volunteer!)

We had 104 ladies with us for the two days. Let me just say, that's a LOT of people packed into a small space. But it was just such a blessing as we sang, worshipped, talked, listened, and loved. I sat at a table with 10 of those ladies for the weekend and my heart was touched by each of them as they shared their struggles to live a life of faith in that place. While numerous obstacles tried to get in the way before we ever entered that prison (let's just say it was completely God that we got to go in at all!), once we were there, we felt God's favor in so many ways. We had wonderful and helpful officers on duty with us in the chapel. The prison's chaplain led worship with us on Sunday morning, and it was a very heartfelt, moving time of worship. We sang, prayed, shouted, and danced. Our team just really connected together and worked together. Lives were renewed and refreshed by our amazing God. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to be a part of this weekend. And now I'm praying for our "sisters in white" (ladies in the prison - they wear white uniforms) as they face this week back in their regular institutional life..that they would remember who they are, remember how much they are loved, and seek God's power in their daily struggles. And I'm praying for Kairos ministry as a whole as we pray for continued opened doors to further the ministry there. Please join us with your prayers.

Hannah's Cheerleading Pictures

Prison (A post that is not about my children..although they are still my favorite topic! :-)

I drive a lot for work. My car and I travel a lot of county roads. Occasionally I pass crews of men or women who are in prison and are out cleaning up the roads. Sometimes they are city or county crews – usually given away by the orange jumpsuits. But sometimes I also see white clothing with the familiar black letters on the back (DOC). Department of Corrections. Many years ago, I just drove by them without a 2nd thought. I didn’t actually think badly of them. No, my attitude was almost worse. I simply didn’t think of them at all. They had nothing to do with me or what I was doing or where I was going. They were “other”, not like me and not a part of me.

That all changed in 2001. One Sunday morning I was walking in the door of my church when I was greeted by a friend who said, “Hey! I’m going to lead a Kairos weekend in September and I’d love for you to help. Are you interested?” I said, “Sure, I’d love to!” I then entered the church and thought “Oh crap! What did I just do??? I didn’t mean that!”

See, my friend was very involved in prison ministry at our state women’s prison a couple hours away. Kairos was the name of the ministry she was involved in. I’d just told her that I’d love to minister in prison! Um, yeah. That wasn’t really my “thing” back then. I’d never even considered the idea. Up until that point, I’d volunteered with different groups of people. Kids mainly. Kids were my “thing”. I’m a teacher and I love kids. I love all kids – but my heart has always been with those who struggle (tough homes, low income, but especially those with disabilities). But adults in general weren’t my “thing” and especially adults in prison. I got nervous. What would I say to someone in prison? How could I relate to them? I thought prison ministry was a good thing for someone else to do, but not me! I had actually sent cards to some men in prison as part of a project before. But to talk to them, sit with them, spend a weekend with them? What was I thinking?! Actually I wasn’t thinking. My mouth said yes before my brain could engage in a debate. And while I generally can say “no” pretty well, I’m very thankful that in that instance, I said “yes”. I don’t exactly know why I didn’t ever go back to my friend and say “hey, I made a mistake and I meant no”, except that I started listening to God. And somehow, this started seeming “right”.

It’s 9 years later and I’ve been in that prison numerous times. Maybe 5 times for full Kairos weekend retreats (3.5 days each), twice for shorter 2-day follow-up retreats, and more times than I can count for monthly reunions lasting a couple hours. Somewhere between a Thursday night in September and the following Sunday afternoon back in 2001, prison ministry became my “thing”. My fears? Irrelevant in the face of what God was doing. You know what I learned about relating to people in prison? They are people. And just like me and you, those ladies are people of great worth. The woman wearing that white DOC uniform and I are the same in God’s eyes. We have the same fears, hopes, and dreams. We have both made mistakes. We have both sinned. We are both in need of God’s grace and forgiveness. God loves me intensely with an amazing love. God loves her just as intensely with just as much amazing love. True, I have not committed a crime that could end me up in prison. But have I committed crimes in my heart? Have I gone against what God wanted me to do at times? Yes, it’s part of being human. But God’s grace is there for me, and it’s there for the women (and men) in prison as well. And because of that, I can relate to the ladies there as sisters..sisters in Christ. It’s a really, really beautiful thing.

It’s a beautiful thing, but it’s not always easy. Kairos’ mission is to “bring Christ’s love to the incarcerated, their families, and those who work with them”. It’s tough sometimes. Because even though God sees us as his children, equally loved, the world doesn’t always see that way. And the world passes that message on to us, and to them. Sometimes I have to fight through a temptation to think that in some way I’m “better than” my sister wearing white who is sitting across from me. More often, I fight the opposite temptation to think that I’m “not good enough” to make a difference. And sometimes our new friends, they struggle with those things too. They struggle to impress us, make us think they’re “better than”, “tougher than”, etc. Or, they struggle with thinking they’re not good enough, don’t’ deserve God’s love, etc. It’s not just the relationships inside the prison that are tough. Our relationships with other team members aren’t always easy either. We’re a pretty diverse bunch: we are young, older, black, white, from big churches, from small churches, and from many different denominations. . We disagree with each other at times. Sometimes we hurt one another’s feelings, even if unintentionally. Sometimes, we just plain irritate and frustrate each other. But God’s grace covers us all and because of that we learn to pray together, listen to each other, forgive, and love. It helps that we also sing together, eat together, and laugh together. God shows up, and lives are transformed right before my eyes, every time. Sometimes, it’s even my life that gets transformed as I learn a little more each time about what God’s heart looks like in the world.

After a couple years hiatus, I will be entering the prison again in a few weeks for a 2-day retreat with Kairos prison ministry. I am very excited about what God has in store for the weekend. Please join me in praying for our team, the chaplain, warden, and officers of the prison, and for the approximately 75 women who will be with us for those 2 days. I know God has great things in store. This is the first time I will have been in the prison since Sadie came home from China 2.5 years ago, and only the 2nd since Hannah came 4.5 years ago. But I’ve been sensing God’s whisper to Go, love, and serve. I go because I love the women there. I also go because I want my children to grow up seeing me use the gifts and passion God puts inside me to serve Him, but I go mainly because God nudges me there and He is there.

My favorite “snapshot” of ministry in that place is that we close every reunion, every retreat, the same way. We all gather in a large circle in that small, simple chapel. Nothing fancy. A cross and Bible on the altar along with a battery-powered “candle” (you know, we can’t have fire in a prison – it’s against the rules!) A circle made up of very diverse women whose only common denominator is Christ. Women who have shared our lives over the past hours or days. Our team of women in jeans and colorful t-shirts interspersed with women in white uniforms. We all join hands together and sing a song proclaiming that there is only one God, only one King, and only one Body (of Christ) and asking God to bind our hearts together with his love. I’m not a big crier. But that moment gets me every time. I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes tear up as I look around that circle while we all praise the God who unites us. I imagine that feeling of unity and peace and love is just a taste of what heaven feels like. Who knew that when I said yes to prison ministry, I was saying yes to getting a glimpse of heaven?

Now, when I pass work crews with those white uniforms and “DOC” on the back, I notice. They are no longer “other” and their lives matter very much to me. And actually, so do the lives of those in the orange county / city jail uniforms. They matter too. I think about them and about the others those uniforms represent. I slow down just a little and as I pass by, I whisper a prayer of God’s peace, protection, and guidance on their lives. Just maybe, next time you pass one of those crews, you’ll sense a little nudge too…to notice them, to slow down just a little, and to whisper a prayer.

** And if anyone would like to help with our Kairos retreat (Oct. 23-24), there are a couple things we need. The three primary things: prayers, cookies and money. We love to take homemade cookies so if you can make a dozen or two, call me or e-mail me at DeEtte530@juno.com (you kind of have to live locally to me for this – so I can meet you to pick them up). Or if you want to make a donation to help cover the cost of the retreat, let me know that too. We will be feeding 75 ladies, 15 team members, a couple officers, and the chaplain of the prison a small breakfast, snacks, and lunch both days we are there. A $5 donation can sponsor lunch for one lady. More is always welcome. Most importantly, we would appreciate your prayers.

September Recap

1. I found out Sadie can't see. Not really, but she did go to the opthalmologist where I found out she has a pretty significant astigmatism and needs glasses. It wasn't a huge suprise - I suspected vision problems which is why I took her in the first place. But seeing her actually undergo vision testing and hearing the results made everything click together and answered some questions. For one, I now understand why she always had such a hard time when we played "I spy" in the car - she can't see what we're pointing out. What I basically had explained to me was that she was very slightly near-sighted, but she had a moderate-severe astigmatism that cancelled that out and made things blurry up close and far away. But things farther away were affected more. Anyway, doesn't she look adorable in her glasses? She's taken very good care of them and is great about wearing them all day. But I'm not suprised - she's pretty easy going on things like that.

2.Sadie got a great report from her hand doctor in Atlanta. We don't go back to see him for a full year. We love the staff there and are so grateful for all they have done for Sadie.

3. Hannah started cheering with Upward. I thought this might be a "sure, try it this season" thing where she tried it, decided it wasn't "all that" and then moved on. Nope. She L.O.V.E.S. it!! She's pretty good too - definately has the "spirit". And leadership - I must say I've been impressed with how she's handled herself on game days.

4. Both girls started dance. Hannah is taking ballet and jazz and having a lot of fun with the jazz part. After a year off, I moved her from the dance studio she was previously at to one closer to our home. Her other studio was good and their director was very nice to us. But the move has been a very good experience. I like her teacher and how she handles class time for the kids. They're learning a lot, but it has a different feel to it - it's just a good match for Hannah's personality. I like that I don't drive as far. (I like that it's cheaper!). And Hannah likes the addition of jazz and she likes having friends from school in her class. This is Sadie's first year and she is taking a preschool ballet and tap class. All I can say about Sadie is that what she lacks in coordination, she makes up for in personality. She is having so much fun, although she is a little, um, "social". (yeah, she talks too much!!)

5. Hannah started brownies. She is "bridging up" from Daisies (the kindergarten-first grade part of Girl Scouts) and is excited about all the possibilities and events that encompasses. It's a pretty active troop and most of the girls in her troop go to school with her which Hannah is enjoying. I guess she's at an age now where her friendships are starting to become more important. It's fun to watch. Especially since her friends are some really sweet and fun girls.

If September was busy, October promises to be more so. But it's good. We are having fun, enjoying the fall weather (finally!), and enjoying one another.